Zoosk Dating Community

[Juliet the Moderator]

Are you a jealous person?

Have you dated a jealous person?

Jealousy is stemmed in a lack of trust. Fundamentally, jealousy is an insecurity, an inability to trust another person to be truthful to you. Because jealous people don't trust that their partners will act honestly, they attempt to coerce their partners with controlling, manipulative, and angry emotions.

Jealousy is a terrible emotion that has the ability to destroy relationships.

But sometimes it's also uncontrollable. I do believe that some people are just inherently more jealous than others.

I sometimes find myself behaving jealously and letting my jealousy get the better of me. I'm trying to work on my emotions to grow as a person and have better relationships. What about you? Are you jealous/have you ever been with a jealous person? Why? How does it feel?

[Sunshines61]

I try my best not to be jealous of anyone or of anything. However, I will have to admit if I am in a relationship with someone and they start letting their eyes wander too much or start flirting with the opposite sex, it does upset me.

You are right that this is an insecurity and something that if it happens should be discussed with your partner. You do have to have trust and security otherwise jealousy will take over.

those are just my thoughts.
Cheryl

[Reana LeBlanc]

I sometimes find myself behaving jealously and letting my jealousy get the better of me. I'm trying to work on my emotions to grow as a person and have better relationships.

I'm feeling the same way. I don't like being jealous, and I am working on it as well. If someone breaks that trust with me, then I do not know what I will do. I have a hard time trusting people.
My last relationship I was jealous and was possessive and controlling. I do not want to be that same person if I were to be with somebody else. It is a horrible feeling to be jealous and have insecurities. Everybody has insecurities but it's up to you to control them, and establish that trust and do not break it.

I feel if I continue to grow as a better person for myself, and feel good about it, then it would maybe work out better in my relationships. Again, trust is a huge deal.

[Justin]

I think being jealous is completely normal. True, it does underline a mistrust in a relationship, but it also can stand for a powerful feeling of love and pride. I never would have considered myself a jealous person, but after the honeymoon stages of my last serious relationship (3yrs ago) I started 'wanting' to be more involved in her life. This came off as jealousy - sometimes no matter how hard I tried to mask it. It wasn't that I didn't mistrust her (though in retrospect I should have) but rather I loved her so much I wanted her life to include me as much as I thought about her. We left for seperate schools and I couldn't stand that she would hang around other men, knowing full well she had just as many male friends back home. As I said before it wasn't because I mistrusted her with other guys but more of I wanted to be her only guy, her entire attention. So in my view, in very careful moderation jealousy can be a good thing and it can show the other sex you're still very well interested. You just can't be smothering as I found out. Thankfully we grow older and wiser, right? Lol

[VoiceMale]

As Justin pointed out, jealousy can manifest even if there is not a lack of trust or no insecurity involved. as he said, he just wanted to be the only one she showed most of her attention to. I myself have felt that form of jealousy. I don't know if you can have a love relationship and never feel any type of jealousy. It sounds strong and noble to say you are not a jealous person and feel no jealousy for any reason, but personally I would have to question the deepness of my woman's love for me if I flirted around...showered other girls with attention while not showing my woman an equal amount of attention at least, and she didn't feel a scrap of jealousy that her man gave more attention to other women than to her. Even if it is just friendly attention and not anything more. Even if there was no desire or intention on my part to cheat or stray. I'm sure that's just me and not a true indication of a lack of love on her part. I don't do those things, I was just giving an example of what I think, in a love relationship, should spark at least a hint of jealousy. I'm a believer that a little jealousy for certain types of things is healthy and does let the other person know that he/she still cares. Lack of any jealousy can give the impression of apathy...and apathy is the only thing worse than hate. At least hate is the result of caring so much about something or someone that they arouse that kind of emotion in you. Apathy is the result of caring so little about something or someone that you feel no emotion at all...you just don't care enough to feel anything one way or the other.

[Leather Baybee]

Jealousy yes can be a good thing when its for little things, but in a relationship it can distroy what you have together. when someone gives you a reason to get jealous there is a reason and should be dealt with it right away before it get to be a bigger problem. Let me give you a few examples what I have been through.

Your g/f or b/f buys something you always wanted for themself -( thats ok to be jealous)

you find your g/f or b/f texting a woman or man that wanted a relationship before you, you tell them you dont like it and want him to stop, but if he proceeds then.- ( You have every right to be jealous this is a no no. when someone does this its only going to make matters worse.)

so using those two examples Id say there is a healthy jealousy and a unhealthy jelousy.

[SemperTry]

Personally I agree with bits and pieces of what has been said so far, but will throw in my two cents. I think jealousy, on some level, is a natural part of being human. I think some level of jealousy, albeit a very low level, is actually healthy in a relationship. It serves as a reminder to never take the other person for granted. Jealousy (as has already been mentioned) does stem from insecurity. I think it's more about how we act when we feel jealous that matters than the idea of trying NOT to be jealous. It's been my experience that the more we try to NOT feel one way or another. The more we try to make ourselves believe our feelings are out of place. The more likely we are to feel EXACTLY the way we don't want to feel. I've dated MANY a jealous person, and have been the jealous one on more than one occasion. It's a hard balance to walk, but I think we just need to learn to recognize it when we feel jealous and to keep it at a reasonable level. I also think it's critical to talk with your significant other when things make you feel jealous. To explain (in a non-confrontational manner) that you feel jealous and explain why you feel that way. Make it clearly understood (if the behavior the jealousy stemmed from was reasonable) that you're not wanting them to change the behavior but simply sharing your reaction to it so they understand where you're coming from. That's my two cents...be it what it may.

[R.Cole III]

I see jealousy as a moderation factor. Yes, it is normal for all to be jealous at some point in our lives. But to be consistantly jealous, is utterly bad. It will drive you crazy, and make you a non-fun person to be around. In relationships it is somewhat OK to be jealous. I can't say i really was in the only relationship I have been in. Even though that was 2 years ago. But jealousy is sometimes OK, just as long as you don't drive the other person away. Yes, it shows you care at times, but at others, it just makes you look like a idiot.

[Michael]

Jealousy is a feeble emotion and contributes to a weak state of being, its manifestation is soley by those who ultimately enherit this negative trait.

[icedorchid]

JEALOUSY is just another emotion, another emotion that we control.............
In the end if that person is being unfaithful or whatever.............
They are not worth your time..............